97 results for humor (View a list of all tags)

The Muffin Man

I tend not to dwell on the past too often. But few memories bring me as much joy as the time my old band Blame it on Eve performed a genre-bending cover of "The Muffin Man" at the Hammonton High School "Battle of the Bands" to a packed auditorium.

It starts out simply enough: Steve accompanies the lines "Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man...." with a minimal slow strum on the guitar. Then for the next lines, "...who lives on Drury Lane," he cranks up the distortion and plays a crescendoing chugga-chugga riff. Then the song explodes, drum, bass, and guitar, into what can best be described as a pop-punk interpretation of the song. At this point I gathered that most of the audience was fairly incredulous. But it gets better.

After the pop-punk fiasco, Rob, the drummer, transitions into a breakbeat. This is followed by the following priceless exchange between myself and the audience:

- When I say muffin, you say man - muffin!

- (silence)

- Muffin!

- (silence)

This is repeated once or twice, then followed by something like "Muffin man! Say it as loud as you can! Yeah, muffin man. Alright."

It was pretty much a flop, but high school students aren't really known for either their subtlety or their sense of humor. I'm still bitter that we lost to that Nu metal band. Maybe if I too had taken off my shirt during the performance, I wouldn't be griping. But I had to think about all the poor girls that probably would have fainted if I tried to pull off such a stunt.

April fool's

I hope you don't all think my joke is lame. I wish I could take credit for the text but it comes from the (now defunct) drew.corrupt.net. I got a kick out of it back in 2002 and thought it deserved a revival.

Update: For those who missed it, I've archived the april 1st joke here.

The Bad Sex Awards

"Joanne hung with her head flung back over the side of the bed, her hair splayed out across the floor, which required Christian to cling on to her waist so they both didn't fall off, and then after a modicum of congenial thrusting, she came with the exhilarating whoops and pant-hoots of a troop of Rhesus monkeys, which was flattering, if alarming." The Bad Sex Awards are back.

We Other Other Victorians

b3ta poses the question: What would the Victorians have done with the interweb?

Bad Book Cover Designs

Very unfortunate. In other news: Jackie Collins fires graphic designer.

Michael Jackson Recommendations

Check out the customer recommendations for Michael Jackson's "Number Ones" (a screenshot in case they fix it).

Jesus: Half-Dolphin, Half-Man

Apparently, AKMA can't prove that Jesus wasn't part dolphin:

I’ll admit to having a defective faculty for speculation. It’s not in my temperament. But I completely fail to grasp the urgency with which people last night clung to the notion that Jesus was married. I laid out the reasons for thinking he wasn’t; I put the best face on the reasons for thinking he was (which amounts to almost nothing, but it’s important to acknowledge the almost part of that nothingness); and still people wanted to know, “But what if he had been married?” and (this one really gets my goat) “Can you prove that he wasn’t married?”

Well, of course I can’t prove he wasn’t married. I can’t prove he wasn’t half-man, half dolphin either. None of the sources we have mention such an oddity, but that silence can best be explained as the embarrassment that someone The Church wanted to proclaim as divine had a dorsal fin and a blowhole in the back of his head. “You don’t think they’d boast about that, do you? They suppressed all references to his dolphin characteristics. But notice — he associated with fishermen, and he had an inexplicable knowledge of where to catch the most fish even though he wasn’t a fisherman himself!”

Good points - it makes you wonder.

Ugly Wedding Dresses

And they're not kidding. These truly are some of the most hideous dresses I've ever seen.

Church Signs

This site has a bunch of hilarious church signs that people have seen and photographed. And, if you're so inclined, you can create your own church signs here.

Crispy New Freestyle

I am love in with this little retard from Crispy New Freestyle. Don't miss this, it is well worth it.

"Meet me, meet me, meet me, meet me,

Meet me, don't beat me. Just meet me at the waffle house

I'm a mouse, from Ecuador, You're a duck and you're a ducky whore..."

Kids Review Stuff

Kids review recent music, radiohead, Guided by Voices, and classic video games (my personal favorite, next to the radiohead one).

Ice Fishing

Ice Fishing

End of the World

I thought this was funny. Fucking kangaroos.

G.I. Joe

You've never seen G.I. Joe safety cartoons like these before!